my-ruin's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh baby! why won't you talk to me! . i checked my vmail from this morning. in it Hunter said he just wanted to check up on me. and that he got his girlfriend pregnant. and shes 6 weeks along already. she another kid from some other guy already. he has a shit job. hes 24 and lives in his moms basement. its funny to think that if we were still chillin a few months after we stoppd talking, this would have never happened the way it did. (he'd still be tryin to get in my pants) yeah...funny. thats the word. . today was a very non-productive day. I was in the mood to write. I had all these ideas in my head. and the second I grabbed my notebook they all vanished. so I just wrote random thoughts. squiggled out random lines. . I listened to silverchair and Le Tigre all day. no nirvana. at all. . I want to relive my dream. it gives me this great feeling. I love when you wake up and you carry around that feeling from the dream you had that you liked so much. I know if I think about it tonight, I defiantly wont dream about it. well. whatever dreams may come, I'll be content with any of them.
I've gotten to the point in my life where I'd rather be sleeping than anything else. Well not just sleeping, but dreaming. I'll feel all right with certain people. sincere people. but with the majority of the people I know, I can be spending the entire day with them and I'll feel alone every single second. the conversations are bland and empty. as are these false friendships. or acquaintances. or whatever the fuck they are. i've grown tired of them as they've grown old. I put myself out there for people. I put everything i am, out on my sleeve for people to take me as i am. for what i am. instead i get walked on. or ignored. because i don't pretend to be something i'm not. and i think people don't understand that. its like some fucking mind blowing concept. and its human nature to have a fear of the unknown.
i don't hide anything. yet i have boundaries. and morals. i give as much as anyone takes and asks nothing in return. maybe thats my problem. not to ask, but to demand.
show me yr scars and i'll show you mine. 1:02 am - 10.31.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||