my-ruin's Diaryland Diary

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.:.a night like this.:.

I was just talking about poetry with one of the people i work with, one of the older guys - Rich. There are so many elements of his life that are just so - depressing. He uses humor to try and cover it up, but i can tell he's really in pain. He'll be ok for a few weeks and then go crazy for a few. He has all these problems. Like with love. I dunno if hes ever been in love, but alot of his poems are about it and having a hard time with it and not finding it (or her). And then his dad -who is about 80yearsold- is going back into the hospital. Hes pretty sick. Rich knows that his dad is gonna pass away sooner or later. But there is only so much you can prepare yrself for when one of your parents is dying.
so aside from all that...
he's gotten laid off of a few jobs. he had real jobs before tower. he was a jazz teacher last. he really liked it. then that ended. and hes stuck...at tower.
I dunno its just really depressing, but at the same time it kind of makes me realize how lucky i am.
I'm not worried about getting married and falling in love. I never looked for it. IT Found ME. *even tho i found him in gym class. haha* People need to stop worrying about stuff. Espically that stuff. They'll flock to you when you dont look for them. Thats just how it works.
granted i dont know what i want to do when i get older. well scratch that. i dont know what i'm going to do when i get older. I know i wont be stuck at tower for the rest of my life.

i have all this emotion locked up in my body. i want to write. but lately i've been hating everything i write. Its all mixed emotion. I dont write happy stuff. Even on my most extatic of days.

thought of the day:
i hate noses. i dont like my nose. i dont like ugly noses. and i dont like noses that are cooler than mine. therefor all noses suck.

1:20 am - 04.30.02

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