my-ruin's Diaryland Diary

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I feel so...

i feel so ... whats the word?
i dont think there is one, but i know there is a sound.

I feel so *blah*.
I think i feel kind of underappreciated. espically at work. keith isn't making things better either. i need to save up $$ and move away. I'm not gonna tell anyone either. I'll just disappear. I need to stop playing that fantasy out in my head.

i feel so ... underachieved.
I am so underachieved. I could have been one of those smart people who go to one of those really really great colleges and actually makes something out of themselves.
i could have actually stayed in one of the colleges i was in and possibly made something of myself.

but no. here i am. nothing accomplished. I'm in stagnant waters. There is no current.

I feel so .. there ..
like i'm never going to *graduate* to the next part of whatever it is that i'm susposed to be doing. I'm never going to grow up. Know what i need to know, do what i need to do.

I feel so ... alone.
I have no one to share this with. No one feels the same. No one cares as much as i do about this. I can't even think that i shouldn't care, because this is important. This is life. Why is life so fucking important?

I feel so ... drained.
Maybe i care too much. I don't have the energy for that. I don't have the energy to put up with work right now. I don't have the energy to put up with certain people right now. I don't have the energy to fight.