my-ruin's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my visit to VALHALLA When the fuck did it become August?? I have a love/hate relationship with spring. I love the weather. I hate bees. For some reason, in the spring i become more depressed than ever. For instance. There is nothing wrong. At all. Yet there is some obnoxious voice in my head trying to convice me to inflict harm/pain upon myself. A few years ago I used to cut myself alot. Then i stopped, but started to try to overdose on pills. Worst that would happen was my head hurting. Eh. Whatever. Then i started cutting again. At that time i was going out with keith (first time i think). I made the mistake of opening myself up to him and actually showing someone. He made me go to the school shrink, who then put me in the fucking psych ward at valhalla. |fuck you| Easter was a few days away. My mom was concerned about getting me out on time (otherwise everyone would be asking where i was). Of course she was also concerned about my *well* being. You'd never know how easy it is to get out of there. I lied through my teeth. i pressed all the right buttons. and poof. i was out in a week. The funny part is that they thought it was due to all the shit that had just happened (i stopped talking to melissa/graduation/all other bullshit). yeah thats all fine and well 'cept i was depressed for a few years before that). Anywayz. Some of my old wounds have opened up. I don't know why. I don't know how to treat them. Maybe i'll just do it once. Maybe I'll get it out of my system. wanna hear something funny? I was browsing DL for people who like MORGAN STORM (to inform them about our show) and i found this.. Ok so this is Perry. Keith's ex "girlfriend" who he cheated on |heh i'm the other woman yet again| and then broke up with to go back out with me. Obsessed much? Every other word out of her mouth is about him. I kinda feel bad. WHen he broke it off with her he said that she didnt care. Obviously she did. I'm guessing he said that so i wouldn't feel bad. I dunno. this chick seems like quite the loser. "oh my god he has ska-checkerd shoes". since when the fuck does checkered stuff has to be related to ska? ska ska ska. i dunno shes annoying. anywayz I re-dyed my hair. It is no longer black + brown with blonde roots. Its black/blue. I cut it too. Now i remind myself of thora birch in ghost world. 12:45 am - 04.17.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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