my-ruin's Diaryland Diary

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there is no love in fear

Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay.
Take care not to make me enter.
If I do we both may disappear.

Saw that gap again today.
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away
And you as well, my dear
And you, as well
Pushed you away my dear

I will choke until I swallow
Choke this infant here before me
What are you but my reflection?
Who am I to judge or strike you down?

But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you

Rest your trigger on my finger,
Bang my head upon the fault line
You better take care not to make me enter
If I do we both may disappear

But you're pushing me
And Im shoving you
And your pushing me
And Im shoving you

You still love me

We're pushing and were shoving
And you're pushing and I'm shoving
You still love me

We're pushing and were shoving
And you're pushing and I'm shoving

You still love me

And were pushing and were shoving
And I'm pushing as your shoving

And Im slipping back into the gap again
I feel alive when you touch me...
I feel alive when you hold me...
...down

Slipping back into you

I am somewhere I dont wanna be, yeah
Put me somewhere I dont wanna be
Push me somewhere I dont wanna be
Seeing someplace I don't wanna see
Never wanna see that place again...

Saw that gap again today
While you were begging me to stay
Managed to push myself away,
And you as well, my dear
If, when I say I may fade like a sigh
I stay,
You minimize my movement anyway,
I must persuade you another way

Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing and Shoving and
Pushing me

There's no love in fear.
Staring down the hole again.
Hands are on my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.

Remember I will always love you,
As I claw your fucking throat away.
It will end no other way.

People are facinated by songs/poems that they can relate to. this one just blows my mind.
I just got an email from jonah!! how rad is that?!?!?!
Hi Natalie - Just in case you don't check back on the board, thanks for the nice thought, and for coming out for as much as you could catch. See you next time in NYC, or somewhere : ). In general, the board is best way to keep in touch, this address is really for e-list junk, but I wanted to let you know you were read. Anyway, take care, stay nice - Jonah

awww. then he shouted me out on the board. along with other people, but still. aww i love him.

interesting news. Dennis Leary (or how ever the fuck you spell his name) is shooting a movie across the street from my job. its called "the life of dentists" or something dumb like that. anywayz. they're renting out our old videostore (which is downstairs from us) to eat lunch in. i dunno. the concept is strange. famous people in an empty store (downstairs from me no less), eating. shooting a movie. maybe someone really really really cool will be there.

i'd like to end on this note: I love Jonah.

love + bruises,
natalie

1:56 am - 04.13.02

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