my-ruin's Diaryland Diary

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milieu

I can't help but have this strange feeling come over me. I don't know what it is. I know that it happens on its own most of the time. Once (wed) it happened after Hunter came by my job.

I can't even really describe it either. It starts in my chest and goes down into the pit of my stomach. Then it makes me feel disgusting all over. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I wish this was one of those good feelings. The ones that travel in basically the same place. you know, when yr all happy and in love. Physically these feelings feel exactly the same. But they're really not. ikk. The whole confusing part is that i am happy and i am in love. And as of last week this has been happening more often than not. I dont know what it is, or why its happening. Part of me thinks something bad is gonna happen. Obviously the other half is just confused.

anyway.

I got a book yesterday. Its called stardust. its by neil gaiman. (hes the guy who did sandman). It was weird tho. I wanted a book with that kind of feel to it. About what it is about. I didnt know what to buy and i just kind of fell on it (almost, literally). I read the first 20 pages before i went to sleep. I enjoy books like this one. Books that can take me into a place where i actually wouldn't mind being. *unlike books that you are sometimes forced to read*. ehh i dunno. i just really like it so far.

i helped save a relationship yesterday!! yeeeeeeah. J*sun was a stupid boi. So i had to translate his g/fs every move (she does stuff i do, so its not hard). Then i told him how to remedy the boo-boo he made. He wanted me to call him to make him feel better or what ever. So i did. Somewhere we were talking and he said "i love you" but i couldnt hear him so i didnt say anything. he got mad. ha. hes cute. but J. I do love ya. yr my 2nd choice!

the anon. fucktard wrote back. basically said "why do you think i'm one of those people. dont single anyone out!!!!!" ... blah blah blah. I'm not going to waste the minutes/seconds of my life responding to some over-jealous bitch who can't handel herself, let alone a relationship with a 32 year old man (who btw is such a sleezebag). uhhgh. just go away.

i'm gonna go. possibly be productive. write a letter. read. get dressed. anything is possible.

love + bruises,
natalie

12:11 pm - 04.12.02

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