my-ruin's Diaryland Diary

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e=mc2

Sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be a normal person. like going back to college and getting a fucking real job. driving. moving out.
If i didn't have anything holding me down my ass would be in california right now. I don't know if i'd be homeless or doing whatever to make some money. Or if i found something cool out there to do and maybe i'd become well off. but i'd be somewhere thats not here. i'm sure someone else out there can relate.

sometimes i think about all the stuff that i think (like just getting up and going) and i feel like a complete fucktard. No this is not realistic. Your gonna be stuck in yonkers for the rest of yr life. yr not gonna be a success at anything. yr just gonna be here.

FUCK! i dont want that.

lately its been seeming to me that all my thoughts are recycled or something. i feel so dumb. sometimes i feel like i'm using myself. i dont even know for what. the only time i'm truely happy is when i don't think. As strange as that sounds, it proves to be difficult to cease to think. If one stops thinking, does that declair them legally dead? or at least brain dead?

"i think, therefor i am" who ever said that can suck my left one. They should have at least finished the sentence. "I think, therefor i am miserable."

David and i are susposed to be lookin for an apartment. we're susposed to move in together. i'm not sure this arrangement is such a great idea, seeing as tho this boi is simply horrible with his cash. We both just need to get out of our houses. I don't think keith is too fond of the idea. when i told him, he had the worst look on his face. too bad. i have to breathe.

love + bruises,
natalie

12:04 am - 04.03.02

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