my-ruin's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a part of me...the heart of me This day in 1998, Lynn Strait passed in a car accident. Go to YESTERDAY (its a post for today, but then this happened). I apologize for stealing the spotlight away from Lynn but this MUST be posted or i'll explode. as soon as i finished the STRAITup stuff, i heard the buddylist noise, i look over and its BRIAN!!! HOLEY SHIT, you have no idea how happy this made me. Last time i spoke to him i was at Howies house, Keith and Connor were both there. I was bored cos they were probably lighting g.i. joes on fire. so i decided to go on and check my email (at that time i was computer-less), and he was on. He told me he was engaged to a girl who was majoring in french. ... booooooo!!! ... this broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I was going out with keith at the time, but the relationship was miserable and brian was the only thought i could think and not cry. But with that news, even that had changed. I had no salvation, no sanctuary. Dont get me wrong i still love him. we always had/have so much in common, we do things at the same time. we have a psychic connection, we both know and believe it. One of the things that gets me annOIed is that his fiancee and i are similar. she too dropped out of school and got a job similar to mine. Meanwhile my bri-bean (ha i call him MINE like it actually means something now) is one year away from his degree in psych (yeah i was susposed to do that too. DAMN YOU CONCORDIA....now everyone chant! CCNY SUCKS...CCNY SUCKS!!). A little piece of heaven: Natalie: wanna hear something funny? Brian: Sure... Natalie: my mom thinks im psychic cos i have dreams...like about the wtc thing and then that plane crash in queens..and also alot of little things Brian: It is a possibility....being Wiccan definatily opens your senses to that. I have lotsa dream interpretation books, and I'm hardcore into tarot and other methods of divination. Some people have the gift...and you are probably one of them. natalie: but of course i had no idea what the wtc one ment at the time. i've always been into spirituality, i remember having dreams like that when i was in elementry school, but nothing huge. tarot is fun. i read palms and im starting numerology. i've always been into astrology...the occult its just so 'me' Brian: Me too....I'm glad to hear that. It's so wierd how much we have always had in common. Natalie: yeah. if you werent so happy with yr woman i'd steal ya away Brian: I know you would...and I would have come willingly, had I not met her. (memememe: this is where i feel stupid and crushed all at the same time, because i let him go. it was hard to stay in contact. i started to cry at this point) Natalie: blast! whats ment to be is ment to be, and hearing that you're happy definatly makes me happy Natalie: my conclusion on the situation is : woo hoo! Brian: You're a true friend. Just remember that I've always loved you and ALWAYS will. You're a part of me. We'll always have a connection, even if we don't speak too often. I know when you're thinking of me, and I'm sure you know the same. ANywayz...him and his grrrl are lookin to get outta PA so i told him he'd better move to NY or i'll get upset. So when he graduates im gonna be his first patient. I need a shrink and i wouldnt trust anyone else with my heart and my soul. Although talkin to him would just be like talkin to a friend with really great listening skills...someone who gives a shit. so hes susposed to call me & mail me sometime this week. Everytime he brought up his fiancee it was like killing a little part of me. I AM HAPPY for him tho. I just wish things turned out a little differently. A little more in my favor...but then again why would they? but like i said, whats ment to be is whats ment to be, even if my heart breaks in the process. it cant nearley hurt as bad as it has. 4:48 pm - 12.11.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||